And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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