I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
