Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
