i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
