hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
