Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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