the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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