dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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