Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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