So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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