Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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