I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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