Your mouth is God's brothel.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
