she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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