This girl is more easily done than said...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
