I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
