I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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