just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
