he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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