I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
