I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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