I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
