with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
