Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
