Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
