she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
