There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
