I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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