i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
