She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
