hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
