i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
