Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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