so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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