Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
