I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
