i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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