wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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