Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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