We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
