Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
