now i know why i became what i already was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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