and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
