Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
