He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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