Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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