I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
