We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The best revenge is premature balding
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
