my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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