he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
