11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
