Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
