my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
