I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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