Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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