what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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