i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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