he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
