There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
