you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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