A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
