We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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