Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
