hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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