had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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