i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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