We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it because I queefed?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
