fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
