i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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