I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
